Brandon Figliolino
June 10, 2017
Disclaimer to all you lovely people: my speech may be the longest of the evening, but I like to you and have a microphone so you have to listen to me!
I want to start by thanking you all for coming to celebrating Ashley and Alex’s marriage tonight. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Brandon; Ashley’s twin brother. I see some perplexed faces out there. Fear not! Enjoy your chicken dinner, or whatever you’re eating, take a sip of wine, or whatever you’re drinking, and let me explain.
I wasn’t always a twin. In fact, I was an only-child for two great years! I was doted upon by my loving mother and father, Kim and Tom. I even had my own play room! How many people can gloat that they had a bedroom and a room for all their toys and games?
My brother came along in 1992. Tyler arrived home from the hospital, swaddled in a warm blanket.
My mother asked me if I wanted to hold him. I was hesitant at first, but she showed me how to properly do it.
“Look at that! Two brothers! You’ll be the best of friends, Brandon!” she swooned.
I raised my brother up so my mother could hold him again. “Take him back! Now!” I shouted.
Another two years later, in 1994, my sister was born. By this point, I was accustomed to having a sibling, and I enjoyed it. When I held Ashley, I looked up to my parents and said, “I guess she can stay.”
One of our favorite pastimes was playing in the farm-themed park down the street from our house. We loved being creative there, chasing one another around the play structure, pretending we were wizards, cops, anything, really. Unbeknownst to us, this park was across from a young man’s house. He played sports with his siblings, got into mischief, and enjoyed the summer months outdoors, just like us. Unbelievably, we never met one another until last year, despite our houses being located on the same street, and our love of Farmstead Park.
Since I was born in mid-March, and Ashley in early March, it was custom for us to share birthday dinner celebrations. One year, she and I decided to have dinner at the fancy pants restaurant known as Red Robin. At this establishment, you receive a cupcake and a birthday song, belted out by young adults with cute faces and terrible singing voices. Ashley didn’t want to be sung to, but I sure did (I like attention, if you couldn’t gather by now).
“Come on, Ash,” I said. “Let’s say we’re twins so we both get cupcakes!”
“I’ll be your twin!” the young Ashley squealed.
“Cool,” I said sipping my cola. “But I get to the prettier twin.”
I asked Tyler if he’d like to be triplets.
“Not a chance,” he said with a perfect eye-roll.
Many years later, Ashley and I still call one another twins, and Twindolyn, a derivative of our housecat named Quindolyn. We refer to one another as twins in normal conversation, and even introduce one another as such. We confuse a lot of people, and I enjoy every minute of it.
It’s no lie that I’m a lucky guy; I have a great brother and a wonderful sister. But today, I’m even more fortunate than normal, because today my family expands. Now, I get to have four brothers and two sisters, and that’s an awesome feeling.
Back so many years ago, adorned in an oversized Harry Potter t-shirt, clunky glasses, and messy brown hair upon my head, I took a sip of soda from a bendy straw, musing that “I was the prettier twin.” Well, today, my dear, Twindolyn, you absolutely hold that title.
Congratulations, Alex and Ashley; I can’t wait for our next adventures.
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